fuckyeahstephencolbert:

Stephen: Nation, I’d like to clear the air about something. Long time viewers know I’ve said some pretty harsh things about igneous rocks. Well, tonight…

Pavlos: That’s not the only thing you’ve said in the past. Hello, Stavros.
Stavros: Pavlos, my long lost evil fraternal twin! You were dead!
Pavlos: I was just holding my breath.
Stavros: But we cremated you!
Pavlos: Check that urn again.
Stavros: Oh my God, it’s not ashes. It’s Fresh Step scoopable kitty litter!
Pavlos: Now with carbon to eliminate odor.
Stavros: You madman!
Pavlos: Mad? No, just crazy … about these Pillsbury Strawberry Toaster Strudels! I’ve waited a lifetime to get my revenge, but in just one minute, I’ll have a delicious, piping hot pastry. Your children will love them … your grieving children! Goodbye, Stavros.
Stavros: Pavlos, no! Noooooooo!
Pavlos: I’m off to my mountain lair, but not without my strudel!
Stavros: Cheerios! Cheerios! Cheerios, no! Why did you take that bullet for me? Don’t die, don’t die, oh no! Cheerios, you have so much to live for! Like your 25% daily value of riboflavin. Let me stop the bleeding. Oh, Cheerios, so delicious! You can’t die, Cheerios, I’m carrying your baby!

what

WHAT

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN FUCK